A lesson in how not to get into the university of your dreams.
hay (noun): Grass that has been cut and dried for cows to chew slowly and thoughtfully.
Hey! (exclamation): This expression is used to attract attention whether or not someone wants to be interrupted. It is the most informal greeting for getting someone’s attention—in much the same way one cow might suddenly kick another cow.
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University Application Letter
January 1, 2017
Hey!
I’m Ima Winner. My new years restitution is to go to ur univercity. Furst, I wanna say that I know English really good. :-) I just luv it, actually, as you can see!!!!! ;-) I wanna go to Oxford cause it would b just soooooooooo cool to live on an i-land and do like endless selfies with my i-phone.
So about me I’m on FB, no one ever “unlikes” me, I’m serious. In case u wanna know, I taught myself English from tweeting, I can send a billllllllion in a week!!!!!!!!!!!
Can hardly wait to hear back from u guys. So are you close to any beaches? Well, gotta go.
Ima
Reply
(In exactly 144 characters.)
Dogs bark. Hens cluck. Cows moo and chew hay. To humans is given the elevating art of language. Simply put, we have “unliked” your application.